How to Prepare for Mediation
A Step-by-Step Guide for Family Law Cases
Mediation is one of the most effective ways to resolve family law disputes without the stress, cost, and emotional toll of a full trial. Whether you’re navigating a divorce, modifying parenting agreements, or resolving post-judgment issues, going into mediation prepared can dramatically increase your chances of reaching a fair, lasting agreement.
As a family law attorney, I’ve seen firsthand how preparation empowers clients. It helps you feel informed, grounded, and confident as you advocate for yourself and your children. Here is a practical guide to help you prepare.
1. Understand the Purpose of Mediation
Mediation is not about “winning,” proving the other person wrong, or convincing the mediator to validate your position. The mediator is not a judge and will not tell either party they are “right.”
Instead, the goal is problem-solving.
And to do that effectively, you must enter mediation with an open mindset—ready to listen, communicate, and collaboratively work toward solutions. Coming in with the intention to fight or “stand your ground no matter what” will only slow or stop progress.
An open mindset doesn’t mean you allow yourself to be taken advantage of. It simply means you’re willing to participate in a forward-focused negotiation rather than a battle about the past.
The more clarity and openness you have, the smoother the process will be.
2. Write Down All the Issues in Your Case
Before mediation, create a master list of every issue that needs to be resolved. This helps ensure nothing is overlooked and keeps the conversation focused. Some mediators will review the issues to be discussed during the intake process or before the scheduled mediation.
In a domestic relations or divorce case, common issues include:
Parenting & Custody Issues
Allocation of parental responsibilities (decision-making for education, health, religion, extracurriculars).
Parenting time schedules (weekdays, weekends, holidays, summer break).
Rules around travel with the children—domestic and international.
Communication between parents (methods, frequency, expectations).
Communication with the children during the other parent’s parenting time.
Financial Issues
Child support (amount, payment method, handling of extracurricular or medical expenses).
Spousal maintenance/alimony, including duration and structure.
Division of marital property (home, cars, savings, retirement accounts).
Division of marital debts.
Who claims children on taxes and in which years.
Conduct & Boundaries
Agreements about discussing the case with third parties.
Rules around posting on social media about each other or the children.
Expectations for respectful communication going forward.
Organizing these topics in advance gives you and your attorney a clear roadmap for the day of mediation.
3. Know Your “Hard Lines”
Some issues have no room for compromise. These are your non-negotiables, and it’s important to identify them early—and understand why they matter. Examples may include:
A specific safety boundary around a child.
Keeping holiday traditions consistent for the children.
Maintaining a certain parenting time structure because of work schedules.
Ensuring stability in housing or schooling.
Avoiding communication methods that cause harassment or anxiety.
Your attorney can help you decide which positions are essential and which ones only feel essential in an emotional moment.
4. Identify Areas Where You Can Compromise
Compromise does not mean "giving in." It means finding solutions that move your life forward. For each issue, consider:
What options would you be flexible with?
(e.g., “I prefer 50/50 parenting time, but I could accept a 60/40 schedule if we alternate holidays.”)What changes would make a compromise acceptable?
(e.g., “I will reduce spousal support if we agree to keep the house until it sells next year.”)What creative solutions might work?
Mediation allows for flexible agreements that courts cannot always provide.
Approaching the negotiation with openness—not rigidity—helps you protect your core needs while making progress where possible.
5. Bring Supporting Documents and Information
You may need:
Income documentation
Monthly expense lists
Proposed parenting calendars
Medical or school records (if relevant)
Property value estimates
Recent tax returns
A list of children’s activities and schedules
Having these materials ready makes the mediation more efficient and productive.
6. Prepare Emotionally and Logistically
Mediation is not just legal—it is emotional. Preparing yourself helps you stay grounded and focused.
Emotional Preparation
Practice deep breathing or grounding techniques.
Remind yourself that the goal is resolution, not validation.
Stay future-focused instead of rehashing the past.
Come with an open and solution-oriented mind, not with the expectation that the mediator will take your side.
Bring water, snacks, or anything that keeps you comfortable.
Logistical Preparation
Arrange childcare in case mediation runs long.
Block your calendar so you’re not rushing or stressed.
Discuss strategy with your attorney before the session.
Know whether mediation will be online or in person and prepare your environment accordingly.
7. Trust the Process, but Protect Your Future
Mediation works because it encourages collaboration rather than conflict. But remember:
You do not have to agree to anything that feels unsafe or unfair.
You can ask for a break at any time.
You can (and should) consult with your attorney before finalizing any terms.
A mediated agreement should support stability, peace, and long-term well-being—for you and your children.
TLDR:
Preparing intentionally for mediation sets the foundation for a healthier future. By organizing your issues, knowing your needs, and entering with an open, solution-focused mindset, you give yourself the best chance of reaching an agreement that protects your rights and supports your family.
If you’re preparing for mediation and would like guidance or representation, I am here to help you navigate the process with strategy, compassion, and strength.
