What Is Mediation? And is it Right for Me?

Jan 2

I’ve written before about how to prepare for mediation and why I chose to pursue mediation as a practice area, especially in the context of family law and culturally diverse communities. But before we dive into preparation and strategy, let’s take a step back and define what mediation actually is - because understanding the process is the foundation for deciding whether it makes sense for your situation.

What Is Mediation?

At its core, mediation is a voluntary, confidential process in which a trained, neutral third party (the “mediator”) helps people in a dispute communicate, understand one another’s needs, and work toward a mutually acceptable resolution. The mediator doesn’t take sides, decide who’s right or wrong, or impose solutions: you and the other party do that together.

In mediation:

You have more control over the outcome than a judge, who may not be familiar with your cultural or religious background.
The mediator facilitates dialogue and problem-solving.
Agreements are crafted by you, based on your real needs and priorities.

This makes mediation very different from litigation. In litigation, decisions are made for you, timeframes are longer, and the process can be adversarial. Mediation is built for negotiation and communication, not confrontation. This is why, after practicing family law litigation for 10 years, I chose to pursue mediation.

Why Mediation Matters

There are a lot of reasons people choose mediation, and many of them go beyond just the legal outcome.

Here’s what mediation can offer:

Confidentiality: What you discuss stays private - unlike court, which is public record.
Control: You shape the agreement, instead of having a judge decide.
Time & Cost Savings: Mediation is typically faster and less expensive than litigation. You can get through a couple issues in a 4-hour or 6-hour mediation, whereas in court, the same two issues would involve a different motion per legal issue, scheduling the motion, 30 days allowance for the other side to respond to your motion, and then a hearing before the Judge or negotiations with opposing counsel. All of this takes more money, time, and most importantly, emotional energy.
Creative Solutions: Parties can tailor solutions that courts might not be able to order. Mediators are more creative than Judges and care more about win-win solutions. In court, however, a motion is either granted or denied, creating a win-lose outcome.
Better Communication: The process encourages understanding and future cooperation, which is especially important in family law matters like co-parenting. In my experience of having gone through mediating many divorcing couples, the parties feel energized and nourished, rather than drained, after the divorce case is over when they opt for the mediation route.

For many people, this means less stress, less financial strain, and a more peaceful transition forward.
In my experience working with families in divorce, custody, and other disputes, mediation often helps clients feel heard and in control - which can make a huge difference emotionally as well as legally. While going through a divorce, many of my clients' stress comes from the lack of feeling of control. The mediation process helps you regain that control and feel empowered again.

Is Mediation Right for You?

Mediation isn’t a one-size-fits-all solution, and it isn’t appropriate in every situation. But here are some questions to help you decide if it might be a good fit:

🔹 Are you willing to communicate and negotiate?

Mediation works best when both people are open to discussing issues and exploring options - not just “winning.”
If communication is totally shut down or unsafe, mediation might be premature. If you are more interested in “winning” or “revenge,” then mediation may not be best for you.

🔹 Do you want to retain control over the outcome?

If you prefer yourself to craft the agreement rather than have a judge make binding decisions, mediation gives you that control.
If you are indifferent about the outcome and don’t mind the judge deciding, then litigation may be better for you.
- Litigation means going to court, filing all the necessary motions via a lawyer or on your own using the correct civil procedure rules, potentially negotiating with the opposing counsel or opposing side by yourself, and having the Judge decide all unsettled issues within the case, after hearings and trials.

🔹 Are you concerned about time, cost, or emotional toll?

For many families, mediation significantly reduces time in the legal system and the financial and emotional cost of litigation.
If you want to have your day in court (some clients do, no problem), then I recommend talking to a lawyer first about what to realistically expect in court, and then if that works for you, litigation may be better.
If you are in a hurry to move on and to cut your losses, though, then mediation is better for you than litigation.

🔹 Is preserving future relationships or cooperation important?

Especially in situations in which parties are co-parenting after the divorce, or even when parties share social circles, mutual friends, or communities, mediation would be a long-term win: it can lay the groundwork for healthier interaction after the process ends.

On the other hand, mediation may not be right if:

One party is unwilling to negotiate in good faith.
You need immediate court intervention for protection or enforcement.
There is active abuse or safety concerns that make face-to-face negotiation unsafe without safeguards. In this case, however, mediation is still possible, but with safeguards: I recommend talking to the mediator about putting the parties in separate breakout rooms or separate physical rooms. The mediator will be the one going back and forth between the parties to negotiate. I’ve seen this work successfully in the past, and if mediation is successful, it saves you from having to face an abusive ex-partner in court.

TLDR:

Mediation isn’t about “winning” or proving someone wrong, but about finding a path forward that works for your life. It creates space for honest dialogue, mutual problem-solving, and solutions you can take ownership of. For many people navigating separation, custody arrangements, financial issues, or relationship transitions, that’s a powerful alternative to the uncertainty of litigation.

If you’re curious about whether mediation could be a good option for your situation - whether in divorce, parenting plans, or other disputes - we can help you explore that. You deserve a process that respects your voice, your needs, and your future.